Side Effects Include Drowsiness
by TheOneYouCallWe
Summary: They were having quite the difficult time, this motley crew. Sleeping gunmen, enraged Vieras, what was next? Titled after first drabble.
1. Side Effects Include Drowsiness

Side Effects Include Drowsiness

Summary: At this rate, Vaan was going to laugh himself silly. BalthierxVaan. Crack. Un-beta'd.

Ramblings: Alright, so I'm only in er… Nam-Yensa Sandsea. I'm a slow worker, damnit! Dx

Notes: Poking fun at Balthier. Oh, and has not been beta'd.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

Balthier really needed to learn to stop falling asleep.

It was bad for Vaan's health.

**_ooooooo_**

"But it's so funny!" The platinum blonde collapsed on the ground, giggling madly. Penelo stood above him, idly tapping her fingers against her arm, just waiting and waiting for the boy to shut up. It had been like this ever since the group had approached the Nam-Yensa Sansea, with constant stops and Vaan waving and yelling to the passed-out Balthier.

"And here I thought you were an adult, Vaan!" She chastised him, poking his forehead and glaring in that overly-feminine way of hers. Vaan yelped and clutched at the small red bump, pouting at her.

He mumbled something to himself, turning away from her.

"What was that, Vaan?"

"I _said,_ I'm not even 18! You must be deaf, Penelo."

"I'd rather _you _be silent!"

Vaan grinned to himself. _I win again._

Penelo had only been asked to fight when Ashe collapsed—again, and everyone was sick of reviving her (not to mention her bossy attitude). She had come upon a rather…bizarre scene, with a dead-asleep Balthier leaning over, Vossler in slow-motion, and Vaan running about, attempting to elude the sand-peoples.

Somehow, they came out unscathed.

…or as unscathed as such a motley crew could possibly be.

She had to admit, though, it was quite amusing to watch the overly-confident gunman just slump over, Vega still in his hands, dead to the world. It was no wonder Vaan would be tempted to tease the man in his most vulnerable moment.

However, it was incredibly inconvenient when trying to _move away,_ as Balthier wouldn't budge a damn inch, no matter how they tried. Basch could've easily picked him up, however the ex-convict was rather…indisposed, currently (facial issues, you see).

So, their final decision was to just _sit there,_ watching him sleep standing up.

Vaan's eye twitched.

"I c-can't stop it! He's t-too," _giggle, snort, _"funny to watch!"

"Haven't you _already_ seen him asleep before, Vaan?" Vossler's voice rang out beside him, words coming out slowly and lethargically. It easily could have been mistaken as a simple side effect of the slow spell that was cast on him, but it sounded a little…off.

Vaan blushed.

"That's another matter entirely!"

"Not entirely, my dear Vaan. It is quite the same."

…oh shit. The spell…!

"I struck him to wake him up. Couldn't just have you _laughing at him_ for so long, right?" A vengeful grin spread across Penelo's face, wickedness twinkling in her eyes. _That'll show you for leaving me out of all this, you jerk!_

"Pene--!" Vaan's words were cut off as a rough hand clutched his mouth shut and dragged him off to the other side of the encampment. He struggled and threw a hissy-fit, but Balthier's grip would not loosen. Had it not been for the Vega he could feel jabbing into his back, he would've bit the gunner.

'Life over loot', eh?


	2. Zuzu!

Zuzu!

Summary: Fran does not like dying, especially by a giant bird. Hints of BaschxBalthier. Fran-centric.

Ramblings: Alright, so I'm writing more. But it helps to relieve stress! And I find the name 'Zu' a hilarious reference to Futurama (or is it the other way around?).

Notes: Fran bitching. I love Fran. xD

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not Final Fantasy XII, Futurama, or the music playing when I listen to it o.O

* * *

It was to expected that the monsters be tougher, uglier, and all the more menacing when the Rains came. Normal hyenas that could be taken down in one blow suddenly were mad with rage and nearly killing them all: Fran, Basch, and the psychotic princess—I mean, Ashe. 

However, when the three were quietly creeping by a nice and docile furry…_something,_ fur white and jaw as large as an Esper, and out came a damned Hyena and suddenly everything in sight was after her hide—include the furry toady-thing—it was too much.

Hence why Fran snapped (again) and ran for the nearest exit.

Meaning, Ozmone Plain.

She dare not question just how the hell Giza was flooded up to it's trees, and yet Ozmone remained sunny and happy and all-around annoying. Plains were Plains, albeit a rain cloud with a barrier not able to touch Ozmone was bizarre…

It was only some ten steps into the dry ground that they were attacked by a giant…bird called 'Zu'.

Fran nearly strangled the princess when she heard the other's giggles.

_And, _it was only about three hits in when Fran died.

As if the Mist hadn't been bad, now _this?.!_

**_ooooooo_**

"I shan't stand for this!" Her rage echoed across the wet plains—Basch and Ashe had fled, tail between their legs back to Giza Plains to hibernate and hide away from all the overly-powerful monsters. For once, she wished she had traded in her Longbow for an axe of some sort—something to inflict heavy damage!

Albeit Ashe and Basch were silent, she could hear their muffled snickers at her apparent fury.

"Then we may wish to grow in strength."

"Where? All of the creatures surrounding cannot be taken by simple means!"

"Then we fight, of course."

Fran glared at Basch's hunched back. Was it just her, or was Basch beginning to sound like Balthier, in a sense?

"Or, if you like, we flee and be defeated pathetically, absurdly, and indefinitely."

…

"Shut up, Basch."

Thankfully, the Rains would be over soon, right?

…right?.!


	3. Is Stupidity Contagious?

Is Stupidity Contagious?

Summary: Fran does not like Larsa at all. No pairings. Un-beta'd.

Ramblings: -yells at idiotic prince- DAMNIT, LARSA…!

Notes: Degrading the pompous prince-ss. Short.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

"Larsa, you twit, stop using the remainders of our Hi-Potions!" Fran yelled to the boy as he, _again, _used up a Hi-Potion for no apparent reason. They were all fine, really! Sure, Vaan was striking at air from the Malboro's Blind spell, Ashe continuously kept dying on them, and Fran was having trouble keeping focus, with how poorly Vaan's spells were aimed, but there was nothing to worry about!

…alright, so there _was_ something to worry about. But using Hi-Potions at irrelevant times was a major cause for alarm!

Fran growled to herself as Vaan narrowly missed striking her head off, wishing it so for him to bloody well use Blinda on himself. She considered jabbing the boy with her Elfin Bow, had it not been for self-restraint…if it could even be called such.

The Marlboro lashed out, again, therein killing Ashe, **again.**

"Fran?.! Where are you?.!" Vaan yelped as he swung his Partisan helplessly, knocking into walls and urns and chests and Larsas.

"Cure yourself you nitwit!"

"But I dunno how!"

She growled in frustration, and for the tenth time of just entering Golmore Jungle, she asked herself:

_'…is stupidity contagious?'_

Vaan struck her in the head.

_'Why yes, it certainly is.'_


	4. You Need To Get Out More'

'You Need To Get Out More'

Summary: Vaan is very confused.

Ramblings: …the FUCK are they saying?.!

Notes: Somebody just died, I think. Some chick. Vayne killed her, maybe. I don't know anymore!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

"Um, Penelo…what's a mummer?" Vaan asks in the background, as the dark-haired playboy what's-his-face rambles on abut war and how Ashe would doom them all, (which, ironically, they already **knew),** and more damned stones to find. His head cocks in confusion, and Penelo just sighs.

"Where'd you hear that, anyways?" She crosses her arms and stares at him directly. She does not spare the passing Larsa a glance, or the 'psychic'…whatever he was. Looked kind of like an elf. Or something.

Vaan opens his mouth, shuts it, then opens it again. "Uh…in my head. There was like…this dude and this chick talking about war and stuff, and somebody mentioned Larsa. The chick called the dude a mummer, and then was…stabbed, maybe. I couldn't see anything." He finishes as Penelo raises on solitary eyebrow.

"So…you had a vision?"

"…I guess."

"Like the wrinkly guy over there?"

"Maybe."

"Vaan…you need to get out more.' She leaves with the remainder of the group, bidding him a farewell with a wave of her hand. She ignores his pleas of 'Wait, what? But you didn't tell me what a mummer is!', instead drawing close to Ashe and chattering on about dirty, dirty men.


	5. Never Forgive

You Render Me Faithless

Summary: Sometimes, he questioned whether he would ever forgive. Vaan-centric. Hints of PeneloxVaan.

Ramblings: Apparently I never put this up. :S

Notes: Vaan, questioning his faith in Basch. Aww, poor Vaan…

Disclaimer: I own zip. Not Final fantasy XII, or 'Bother' by Stone Sour from which this is based off of.

* * *

His entertainment of running about Bhujerba, declaring the ex-convict's rise from the grave—did that make him a zombie? he did not know—had been quite short-lived. True, it was rather amusing to watch as people, alarmed by his declarations proceeded to blather on about the empire and its invaders, but it was only a fraction.

A fraction of the guilt he still held within his heart.

"Reks wasn't always the nicest guy, but…" Vaan bowed his head, seated beside the running water of Rabanastre. His feet, bare, splashed into the chilly water as it streamed past, heading indefinitely to Lowtown.

_Right. That's how I first met Balthier and Fran._ He laughed quietly to himself, contemplating of how he had been stunned by the arrogance of the gunman and the confidence of Fran. _Such a teenager, I was._

"Vaan?"

"Hey."

He did not turn to her; she knew not to question him. On a perilous, continuous journey, through demon walls and betraying Imperials, it was not so rare to see the teenager simply need a moment to contemplate.

So, she sat beside him.

"Still miss him?"

"Yeah."

"You know he didn't kill him, Vaan."

"I know, but…" he breathed in, raising his dripping feet from the water, "sometimes I just wonder, and ask 'what if?' of everything. Including Basch. I'm not the most confident guy, or the strongest; the most elusive, or even the most precise. I even question myself."

"Vaan…"

"Don't bother, Penelo. I know what you're going to say, and you've said it quite a few times." His smile was weary, but still sustained on his olive skin. Penelo smiled lightly and hugged him close to her.

She whispered, "I'm always here."

_Not forever, Penelo._


	6. Waiting

Waiting

Summary: They've been through life together, the two. And yet the cycle is never to be broken. BalthierxFran.

Ramblings: -squawk- I'm writing Het! Well, kinda. With my dash of lesbian-ness, of course. Speaking of lesbianism, I would dearly love a Viera for X-mas. Or a Very Merry Unbirthday, perhaps. It would make me so happy. :D

Notes: Romantic, with touches of obvious lesbianism.

**IMPORTANT NOTES: **I haven't finished FFXII yet. So I'm making it up as I go.

Disclaimer: I own nada, not Final Fantasy XII or 'Right Here' by Staind. I may, however, own the concept of lesbian-sex-to-give-birth, if Square didn't think of it, or no one thought of it yet.

* * *

"Fran. You appear…well." 

"Sated."

"Yes, sated. How is she?"

"She is…akin to myself. It's to be expected."

It has been many years since the resurrection of Rabanastre and the downfall of the Imperial Army. Fran has been welcomed whole-heartedly into Eruyt Village, and she is gradually regaining the ability to speak and hear with the Woods. Larsa and the like are permitted visits with her—on rare occasions, as her rejuvenation is to not be disturbed by much, or many—and then is one such.

"The Wood spoke to me of your visit, but no reason as to why."

"Perhaps it was to visit; perhaps to see your lovely mate."

Recently, Vaan's visits have reduced in their frequency, and when such an event occurs, it is by a shrill cry of the Wood, abound screaming of the Viera, and an enormous Mist-run airship docking off in the centre of the Golmore Jungle. It was always quite chaotic—as were all sky-pirates and their goings-on—and noisy, but entertaining all the same. Being trapped in a village was nothing short of humbling and…isolating.

"Perhaps, Fran, for once--"

"I cannot. It…is not natural."

"Actually, it's perfectly natural—just not for Viera. For Hume, however."

"A half-Hume, half-Viera child? It would be the scorn of all. No child should go through such hatred."

Penelo has taken her own route, and her wherabouts are often unknown. She would sneak at random times into the village and appear in one of the homes with a cheerful wave, smudged clothing, and an exhausted expression. Trailing behind her would be Larsa, looking as prissy as ever and thoroughly disgusted by having to trudge through sludge.

"…but is she your happiness?"

"You know the answer to such a question."

Ashe cannot visit, as her rule over Rabanastre is very fulfilling and very busy, but once every month, a letter arrives with a grand seal adorned, addressed to all of the Viera, whether she knew them or not; on it, as per usual, is Ashe's signature, and a fraction of information on Basch and his equal goings-on.

"Then I'd almost rather you not a Viera."

"I'd be honored, if not so appalled."

Balthier, however…

Balthier has taken up residence in an unused, self-made cot on the very outskirts of the Eruyt Village. The Viera are all quite wary of him as he is Hume, albeit a former partner of Fran, but allow his residence as he is the only solution to Fran's temper. His nightly visits to her cause stress of Fran, her mate, the Wood, and the rest of the village. The Wood is constantly questioning his presence, and Fran has naught an answer.

"The cycle must not be broken. We must remain merely as ourselves, not one another."

"She realizes it, too."

"Yes. And she is accepting of it. She is also my stability; my connection to my past and my present. She is my rationalization to the Wood and to the Viera."

"And to yourself?"

"I have none. And I never shall."


	7. Martians for Less

Martians for Less

Summary: Vaan will never look at coffee the same again. Light BalthierxVaan. Crack.

Ramblings: I dedicate this to difficile, who [I think] does not know anything about me, as [I think] I have never reviewed her. Also, sorry for how bloody long it's been since an update but eh, only just got inspiration again.

Notes: Written weird. All phrases came from a random-phrase generator, hence their general randomness (so did the title). If you want to, blame difficile—but I say praise her for it. Also, very short and…well, random.

* * *

**Phrase 1: engorgement confusion**

**Phrase 2: delicious coffee**

**Phrase 3: saggy fault**

**-----------**

"It does what?" Vaan asks confusedly to the shady Bangaa (what a surprise, a Bangaa that's untrustworthy) as Vaan glances at the small, unassuming can once again. The blue reptile-thing just grunts at him, arms crossed over his huge, massive chest. Vaan blinks up at him radiating innocence and curiosity, and the beast caves in to the boy's unlimited adorability.

The bangaa sighs, picking up the can and waving it about while talking. "It makes _it_ grow, boy." It's voice is gravelly and laced with something akin to cockyness, that if Vaan weren't so dense—and if the thing had one—he'd almost swear the bangaa was smirking at him.

His light blonde eyebrows screwed together again. "Makes what grow? And what does 'No Saggy Fault' mean right here, right on the side of the—hey, where are you going?" He yells out at the quickly fleeing Bangaa. Turing back to the abandoned stall, he is shocked to find Balthier, of all people, with a gun cocked in the direction that the Banga has just run. Vaan splutters for likely-indignant words, but Balthier's fierce, protective glare trained on him quiets him.

Later, when a humble Vaan and still-pissed off sky pirate return to the Strahl, Balthier immediately pins the blonde to the metal inside of the ship, raining fierce kisses all upon Vaan's shoulders and neck, and whispers, _"I'll_ be the one you come to for that, boy," before claiming his lips once again.


End file.
